Wow

I just never stop being totally amazed by how God works... Bare with me, this blog is not going to be short. But I would definitely appreciate it if you read it anyway :)

Last night around midnight (maybe even later, I don't exactly remember), I was watching Sportscenter with my sister and brother. Beth turned to me and said, "Oh yeah, Christina wants you to go to her church tomorrow for their youth musical." I stared at her in disbelief. I asked why on earth she was telling me this now and not when Christina first told her. Of course, I knew right away that I would go. I went to my dad's computer and got online. I had to find the church's website (which thankfully was easy and it is a well-kept website) and figure out what time the services were. Thankfully, they have an 11 o'clock service so I wouldn't have to get up too early.

Since we were staying at my parents', I didn't have any church clothes with me. I finally made it to bed around 2:15. I got up this morning at 9 o'clock, drove home to take a shower and get dressed, and then headed to church. Man, it was so worth it, I can hardly believe it.

The theme for their service totally fit with everything that God showed me last weekend at TEC. It was all about finding God's love every day and sharing it with others. Honestly, had I gone to this service two weeks ago, I think I would have put some of it into my talk.

Those of you who were at TEC heard me say this, but I'm going to say it again. I have no problem at all telling people how much God loves them. I love to compliment people and do little things for them to show God's love (whether they know it or not). But I just really struggle with accepting that love for myself. Last Friday night I felt like God was screaming at me... "This is all for you too. I died for you too."

Today at church, I really felt God's presence. And I felt like he was saying, "Here is your gentle (or maybe not so gentle) reminder. I love you. You are my child. Don't let yourself forget it again. I love you."

They even included one of my favorite Bible verses of all time. When I was really struggling with depression in college, a good friend read me this verse one night as I cried. I even have a little frame in my office with the verse on it. Well, that little frame has been kind of hidden behind clutter lately and I guess I needed church today to be reminded that it still holds true.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." - Isaiah 43:2

After they read it, they sang a song called "Be Not Afraid" that contained lyrics from that chapter of Isaiah.

Be not afraid, for I have redeemed you. Be not afraid, I've called you by name. My love for you is everlasting; my love for you shall have no end. When you pass through the waters, I will surround you. When you pass through the floods, they will not sweet o'er. When you walk through the fire, you will not be consumed. You are my child, you are so precious to me. You are my child, and I'll love you always. Just hold my hand, and I'll lead you home. When you feel lost, always remember: I am right here, just call out my name.

Music has always really spoken to me. When I am singing in worship, I always feel so close to God. I love the time that I get to spend with God through music. Having said that, I tend to prefer contemporary music. I wasn't expecting to be touched all that much by the music this morning because it is far more traditional that I am used to. Boy was I wrong. It was like every song we sang just went to the core of me and really shook me. By the end of the service, I was fighting back tears and overwhelmed by how much I felt God's love in that church.

The prayer that we said together at the beginning was another very powerful thing for me. I actually had a heard time getting through it. So I'm going to close with that prayer. I sit her today in awe of God's power and love and grace. He is so good to me and I am so thankful for the ways that He is working in my life. I am learning to see Him in the little things and take joy in the simple pleasures that He has so graciously given to me. I pray that you can see God at work in your life each and every day.

You have shown us love, O God. In Jesus, you have shown us love that seeks, love that suffers, love that survives all things. You call us, even command us, to show that love in our lives.

Yet we turn away from what you would have us do. We confess that the ways of love are not our ways. We deny and ignore, hurt and hate, despise and reject. Loving others is hard. Loving ourselves is harder. Have mercy on us. Help us to receive your love in a manner that allows us to share love with others. Help us to receive your love in a manner that allows us to love ourselves. Amen.

I am certainly not perfect. There are days when I feel far from God and I don't spend the time with Him that I should. But on days like today, I know that I am a forgiven child of God and I can recommit again today to do better. I love you all!